What I experience as acedia is a multifaceted phenomenon.
Today, I experienced this inner resistance as a burning feeling, an inflammation, in my knees & hip joints. Tilting my head back in apparent exasperation is a sign to me that I need a red pill (decongestant). Perhaps I am experiencing a purely physical phenomenon and not psychic resistance to cleaning the kitchen.
Now that I write this on my smartphone, lying (or laying?) on my bed, I no longer experience those sensations. True, I have taken passion meds and am no longer on my feet. I am also no longer in the kitchen. In a few minutes, I will either do some light reading (a book on "the quieter virtues") or revise the (Anglican) rosary I completed last night.
No matter how much I do in the kitchen (my Sisyphean labor), I am not satisfied. I feel like I "pull a fast one", that I am not doing it according to spec--that I am cheating by only cleaning the cabinets & having someone else unload the dishwasher. I tell myself that I'll steam mop the floor tomorrow, that I'll load the dishwasher tomorrow morning.
After all, like the Evagriab monk who realizes, conveniently, that he doesn't have to remain in his cell, doing his monkly duty, to serve God--that He is not restricted to place or time, I don't have to do everything tonight, do I? After all, I burn with inflammation.
Some days, the bear gets you.
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